9/28/10 A Ceramic Lover’s Paradise and the Pork Shaped Stone

Our main destination for the day was Taiwan’s National Palace Museum.  It has been called one of the 10 most significant museums in the world because it houses some of the most important pieces in Chinese history.  During the time of the fighting between the Chinese Nationalist and Communist armies a decision was made by Chiang Kai-Shek to move many of China’s historically significant artifacts from the mainland to Taiwan since the Communists could not be trusted to preserve them.  The National Palace Museum houses the world’s largest collection of such artifacts and is visited by many mainlanders.

I don’t know who compiles the list of the world’s most significant museums, but our group was disappointed.  There is a huge and inexplicable focus on ceramics; so if porcelain and the thought of kilns gets your heart pumping, it might be the place for you.  There were plates, pots and vases as far as the eye could see.  But don’t mistake my disappointment as the dismissive attitude of a foreigner who doesn’t “get it”; Iris was similarly unimpressed.  I mean, it’s nice to see a 12^th century wine vessel, but over a hundred of them?  Complete and total overkill.

It wasn’t all a waste of time though.  One of the most famous pieces was also one of my favourites; a piece of stone carved and dyed to look like a piece of pork… yes, pork!  The crowds gathering around to see it and its companion piece of jade carved to look like cabbage were at least 5 people deep.  So popular is the jade cabbage that there are stuffed toy versions of it available in the gift shop.

Meat-shaped Stone - Mmmmm!

Jadeite Cabbage - The centrepiece of the collection

Space noticed something that I hadn’t, the signs for the exhibits used a lot more adjectives than necessary.  For instance: a North American Museum might have a sign that reads “Ceramics: 1700 – 1800”, but in Asia a similar sign might read “Uncanny Ingenuity and Celestial Feats: The Carvings of the Ming and Qing Dynasties 1300-1900”.  I blindly guessed that this was a bit of propaganda to pump up the history of the Republic to English speaking visitors, but apparently it has more to do with Chinese being a generally flowery language.  “Uncanny ingenuity” is a literal translation.

Space and I agree, museums should be used to present the facts.  You don’t have to tell me about the uncanny ingenuity of something; present the artifacts in context, describe the techniques used to create them and why they are significant, and I’ll decide for myself.

And finally, a piece from the collection that defies explanation.  Yet another WTF moment.

8/28/10 Ventriloquist’s Dummy Newscaster

I enjoyed more sleep than I usually do, good thing too, since I was committed to fighting the effects of jet lag.  The TV provided some background noise and I managed to find an English language news program on local issues.  Detail oriented guy that I am, I couldn’t stop looking at the morning newscaster’s mouth.  Gary’s top lip remained firmly in place and his jaw open and closed with the precise frequency of a metronome.  Like a ventriloquist’s dummy, it wouldn’t have shocked me to see somebody’s arm behind him only slightly out of camera range.

8/27/10 The Nail Gets Loose

It was only a matter of time, but the future of the toenail that had sustained serious damage only a short week ago (read – ripped off almost completely like a door opening and then haphazardly stuck back on by yours truly) was looking iffy.  All that walking had taken its toll.

When removing my shoes at the end of the night and taking off the bandage I saw it move…the nail.  Clarity washed over me yet again, this nail was on its last legs.  Damn!  Losing a toenail has got to be one of the most disgusting things that can happen to you.

I fell into the bed and hoped it wouldn’t catch on anything in my sleep but even my nerves couldn’t keep the darkness at bay.  I was exhausted and with the noise of the city through my open window sleep still came quickly.  Day 1 was over, it had been great.

8/27/10 Sleeping in Public

Something that became quite apparent at night was the willingness of the Taiwanese to sleep in public places.  I’m not talking about catching a quick nap on a bench or leaning up against a tree.  I’m talking about full on sleep in a public square… on concrete… with no pillow.  Iris described this as quite normal behaviour for people who have their own homes with comfortable beds to sleep in.  Strange, but true.



Sleeping in the town square.  Maybe the free Chinese opera wasn't exciting enough.

Free Chinese opera.



8/27/10 Snake Alley

Call it a tourist trap if you want, but Taipei's Hwahsi night market has snake on the menu.  We headed over by taxi and found that there were hardly any foreigners there.  Within minutes Space set the tone of the evening by purchasing some betel nut, the nut of the betel palm which is wrapped in betel leaves with lime.  It is chewed much like chewing tobacco and is mildly narcotic.  Space had always described the chewing of betel nut as a disgusting habit that rots one’s teeth to red stained stumps (the notorious betel nut smile); still, he admitted to chewing it a few times a year.  A dirty indulgence, much like the relationship I have with cigars.  This was a special occasion, and the theme had been firmly established as “Yes”… chewing time!

Hwahsi Night Market aka Snake Alley

Facial deformity courtesy of Betel Nut

Don't forget to spit

Space and the humble beginnings of the notorious "Betel Nut Smile"

The pictures say it all; I can safely describe it as horrible.  However, I must admit, the numbness my face was pretty good.  I would have kept chewing but I didn’t follow Space’s precise spitting instructions (they only gave us one cup) and ended up swallowing some of the juice… correction, a lot of the juice.  Much in the same way that you don’t swallow when you brush your teeth, swallowing betel nut juice was a bad idea.  My gag reflex kicked in strongly and I nearly lost dinner and the street food.  Then I remembered all those wimps on “Fear Factor” that couldn’t keep strange stuff down and I toughed it out.  I didn’t have to hold out too long though.  We found the main attraction of snake alley, a vendor in mid snake evisceration.  He was draining a live snake of its blood.  He then removed the gall bladder and emptied the bile into some water.

Part bravado, part head buzz, but mostly the Philosophy of Yes saw me put down 100 NT for a glass of blood, a shot of bile, and a shot of venom.  With only mild hesitation I drank them in that order but somehow missed the two capsules that the waitress had placed in the blood.  I wondered aloud to Space if I had missed the antidote.  He laughed.  I laughed.  Some guy with no teeth at the table next to us laughed.  The Philosophy of Yes was paying dividends… and I didn’t die.

(L to R) Venom, Bile, Blood

We closed out the street food for the night with grilled prawns.  Nothing exotic, but they were prepared simply and were delicious.  I ate them whole, head shell and tail included (I can’t be sure, but I think the eyes are tasty).  Space, still bearing the mark of a timid Canadian, avoided the tail and head.  In his defence, he’s not that big on crunchy bits.

8/27/10 Random Photos

Hot rod taxi?

The claw game: there are whole arcades devoted to them.

Space was unsuccessful... Iris wept at his epic failure.

Horrible result of a ill-thought genetic experiment

Aggressive pencilcase salesgirl.  They're everywhere...seriously. 

Typical scooter gear

8/27/10 Street Food and Furries

Not far from our hotel was the Ximending pedestrian area.  It is known for being fairly wild after dark.  It is full of costume shops to satisfy the needs of people who take the words “dressing up for a night on the town” very seriously.  It may have been a tame Friday night since I didn’t run into any furries ( see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furry_fandom) or anime character wannabes.

Ximending

Go team Victory!

Tough decision for Iris: Sexy cop or hot panda?

Ximending is also a great place to experience Taiwan’s street food.  Pedestrian areas and night markets are where the vendors thrive.  Prior to arriving I had made myself a promise, I would eat absolutely everything on offer.  This strategy meshed very well with the Philosophy of Yes.  So far the restaurant food had been tame, so to start, something easy and small… bird eggs.  No indication was given as to what type of bird they came from.  There were 5 on a stick and you roll them in a sauce; delicious but ordinary.  Later on in the evening at Iris’ insistence I tried grilled dried squid.  Why anyone would grill something already so dry in an effort to make it drier was beyond me.  Glad I tried it, but once was enough.  Think BBQ’d beef jerky, but only with fish and 10 times chewier and you get the idea.

Toxic sausage balls?

Food to avoid - Grilled dried squid

8/27/10 Are you Jeff?

Dinner finished, we stopped at the men’s underwear store to admire the window display.  I must admit that I was taken by the “F*CK BUDDY” tank top, too bad the store was closed.



WTF!  The most subtle underwear ad...ever!


As we turned to leave we were met by another Westerner who looked Space directly in the eyes and asked “Are you Jeff?”  Space said “no” but the guy was unconvinced.  After a short uncomfortable silence (I swear, he was gazing into Space’s eyes…they’re pretty nice) Space asked him “Do I look like Jeff?”  To which the guy responded “I don’t know, I just thought that you might be him”.

The stranger smiled and walked away and then clarity washed over the three of us.  We had accidentally stumbled upon the Taiwanese pick up line for anonymous gay sex:  “Are you Jeff?”

Must make life a little weird for all the guys actually named Jeff.

8/27/10 Dinner and the birth of the Philosophy

Kenny, our hotel concierge, recommended a Thai restaurant close by for dinner.  These couple of days in Taipei were just as much of a vacation for Space and Iris as they were for me, so it was their opportunity to eat food not normally available in Hualien, their hometown.

Kenny’s suggestion was in the gay village close to the hotel and was simply called “Thai Food”.  It was located right beside “Bear Bar”, but apart from teddy bears at a table out front, I didn’t see bears of any kind there.  Understandably, with the lack of body hair amongst Asians, it must be fairly difficult to find a big hairy gay man in Taiwan, so naming the place “Bear Bar” may have been an attempt to give them somewhere to congregate.

While eating dinner Space and I were approached by a couple who asked if we would be street models for sunglasses.  I was apprehensive at first, but Space provided encouragement and made the first hint of the Philosophy of Yes.  I changed my tune quickly and we were soon giving our best douchebag poses for the couple.  This was a bigger step for me than you might think since they were a style of sunglasses that I despise… Oakley blades, the choice of aggressive cops the world over.  Prepare to have your rights trampled.





Mutant cop impersonation



License and registration please